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| This is the last entry I'm going to put into this xanga.
I've realized something. There's no reason for me to continue being a loser. There's no reason to keep feeling sad for myself. There's no reason to pity myself, tell myself that I don't fit in. Because I just don't enjoy it.
GTA LCS taught me: Insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting different results.
Yes, a video game character (its a dr. phil satire, too!) lets me know that I don't have to keep being dumb.
I went out today expecting to recap with some old friends. Instead I realized that we just don't match, click, whatever. If they read this, I want them to know I'm not sorry, and that they shouldn't be either. But this is the last time I'm going to hate myself.
I don't like being "insane." Namely this kind of insane isn't fun at all.
I've been reading a number of self-help books, the latest of which instilled desire in me. DESIRE. The desire to be worth something. The desire to get better. The desire to get what I want. The desire to be somebody that people actually care about. The desire to be a person who is good, who is reliable, who is dependable, who thinks about others and has others think about him. And this is just the first chapter of the book!
And this is the last chapter of my lameass self. Life does have a reset button, and I'm slamming that bitch down.
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| I'll catch you on the flip side. | | |
| Birthday was kinda cool; my aunt got me a job! That's awesome enough, makes up for the lack of grats I got. Ian's on the 17th... mm good times. Ultimate water football is a viable sport in my book, and I'll definitely promulgate that shit xD. Super Smash conquers all, of course. Mike, we'll definitely have to get ourselves over there again before the summer ends. Oh yeah, I didn't take pics (not that I ever share them, my preciouses) so check Mike's facebook or something hehe.
BEING responsible is cool in its own way. I don't get to have stupid kid fun anymore (I regret not getting more than... well none.. while I was younger) but I still get other benefits. I don't have to feel so restrained anymore. That's all. | | |
| Graduated. What more can one say?
Now that summers in, I finally have time... to do nothing! Wake up at ungodly hours, play computer games till my hands tremble uncontrollably, binge on instant noodles, and fall asleep im-ing my eyes to death while browsing webcomics past 2 am. I pretty much only go out to drive my mom around (the tables have turned, oh yes) or to therapy.. say what! Yes I go on tuesdays and wednesdays, what a blast.
Looking more into tech stuff, also on the typical search for part time work.
Well, this entry is up just as a habitual update. Want to know more, just ask me. aim: RKemSKem
P.S. I am a gunz addict. O_O Ph33r m3 | | |
| haha some people didn;t get what I meant. mday = mother's day. there ya go.
someone told me to get a better looking picture up on my myspace (yes which is now functional as of today) cause it wasn't hot like me. hmm. either I'm not great at self-portraits (so hard!) or I've gotten plain since she last saw me. I thought it looked alright... maybe its the polo shirt? of course! a fashion faux-pas! definitely not "in!" damn dress code. *ignores messy hair and proceeds to burn shirts*
...
shirtless and smoke-dazed later, I realize how much i like the band "m.a.e." sure their songs can tend to drift to the emo side, but some of them really hit the spot on my brain that likes alternative. "tisbury lane" is great for a sunny day. even if I don't always listen to the lyrics. the melody just really gets me floating...
oh yeah, I did set up a myspace. yep dark side of internet relations ahoy! friend me so I don't have to be a loner. otherwise I'll haunt you whenever my connection dies. which is often, so hah! check my aim prof for a link. you know you will. don't make me hit you again. boo!
I just hope I don't treat myspace like pokemon.. heh gotta catch 'em all, baby
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